Seth,
To start out, I know this is the cowards way to say how I feel. Write a letter and leave it for the whole world to see, hoping the one person it's intended for finds it someday. I'm scared, as I always am.
I'm afraid you won't care.
I'm afraid you didn't mean it when you told me you still loved me.
I'm afraid you changed your mind.
I'm afraid you can't love who I've become.
I never gave you the explanation you wanted, and I don't know if I could give you an accurate explanation now, but I want to try.
When we met, got to know each other, and dated, I was constantly overcome by a crippling feeling of depression. Day in, day out. I saw no way out alive. I had already decided I was going to die, soon, and my actions that entire year reflected that. I fled from the complicated and ran to the simple.
We were complicated. Not in the, we're not working out and I don't know how to deal with that, but in the you were perfect for me and I didn't know how adjust my life to something that wonderful. I saw us with an entire future ahead of us, and I loved everything I saw, but I'd already decided I wasn't going to make it to adulthood, how could I shift every thought in my head to reflect a longer life span and keep someone so wonderful around to watch the agony?
I wanted to be your girlfriend, partner, wife, the mother of your children. I wanted to be everything good for you. I wanted to be your strength when you were weak. I wanted to be the warm light on your porch welcoming you back home.
I wanted to be all of those things, all things good. How can someone as broken as I was be anything but horrible for someone who deserved everything. So I left you, I thought I was doing you the biggest favor of your life. I hoped you wouldn't be hurt, though after a long conversation with your mother I knew I'd made a huge mistake of not hurting you.
From that conversation I made it a point to make myself better, away from you. Get better, be better, do better. So that maybe one day I could show you that I would be good for you this time, that if given a second chance I would never break your heart again. I'd hold on, and hold tight to the most amazing man in the entire world.
I think too much time has gone by at this point. I think I've changed leaps and bounds and I don't know if I'm a girl you recognize anymore. I don't know if I'm someone you can love. That idea terrifies me. I'm happy with who I am, and I'm who I am so I could be the best me for the love of my life.
I am so sorry,
Ashley
Where I was and Where I am...
Hold On Tight...
Monday I found the end of my rope of patience with Rachel. I was tired of pretending to be friends when it was very obvious that neither of us were invested in the friendship anymore. As most arguments went with her there was a lot of venom spewing and then it ended in a huff. No apologies this time, I finally said what I meant and I have no need to take it back.
Within an hour of my final statement to Rachel I saw Alexia's name pop up in my friends list on Facebook. We talked for a half hour and caught up on the past six-seven months of each others life. I always like the way that works out. When you gain something after losing something, softening the blow of the loss. Reminding you that the pain of loss is only temporary and something positive always comes out of the rubble.
Yesterday I got a text from Amanda while I was on my way home from school. She was asking if I was free and wanted to have another Webb's night. I was free last night, so I responded saying that of course I'd love to get together and continue getting to know each other. So at around 6:00 I left M Falls and arrived in the parking lot of Webb's at around 6:30.
We talked about all sorts of things; love, education, the future, loss, life, boyfriends, best friends, wisdom, expansion. She admitted that her reluctance to meet up with me in the past was out of hesitance due to her lack of chemistry with girls in the past. We just clicked, at least I felt it.
The conversation swept us up and we lost track of time and before we knew it, it was 10:45. We were both astounded and bewildered. Neither of us had ever lost track of time so severely. We ended the night shortly after, and jokingly agreed that next time we're shooting for six hours.
Then finally, today I spent the day with Jessica and Amber, the girls I've met through my program at school. Amber brought her boyfriend to school today and Jessica and I got to know him. He helped out while Amber and I developed one of our copies of our building exterior.
Then all of a sudden Eric was just kind of, there. He had sent a text asking if I still wanted him to visit and I said that if he wanted to he was welcome. I assumed he'd send a text to let me know if he was coming or not, but he never did. So as Justin and I were turning around the corner laughing on the way to my locker I noticed him and I was just surprised to see him.
We all sat as a group laughing about Boobahs and Mr. Rogers and just had a great time. We talked and make inside jokes and just relaxed in the middle of our stressful days and stressful midterms week. The majority of us are Photo majors and we all understand the stresses we're all going through. Even though we're technically all competition we're all in the learning boat together, and we're here to learn and help each other. (At least so far).
Especially something great.
After my fight with Rachel I was convinced that my week was going to be a terrible one. As the days have gone on, though, I'm realizing that I haven't lost the people that cared about me the best and the most. The two of us were never comfortable with each other, and you can't have a real friendship in that manner.
Over this year I've either strengthened relationships that needed it or purged those that were hopeless. I feel like Rachel was the last one that needed purging. I can only be on to better things from here.
-Random quote time: Optimism and pessimism breed a bastard child.
-Ashley Reyn
"People rarely accept you for who you are, and when that
happens, even on a simple level it's kind of great."
Sometimes I'm Afriaid. (BEDA 4)
I'm selfish enough to wanna get better, but I'm backwards enough not to take any steps to get there. And when you realize it's a pattern, and not a phase, it's what you've become and it's what you will stay. That's ballgame. 'Cause I don't got room in my life for anyone else. And I've driven away all the people that could help. And I still don't even know what I need to do to fix myself.
Failed (BEDA 3)
There isn't much to say about a day where you worked eight hours. My day was dedicated to McDonalds, luckily it won't be the same tomorrow. I still have a six hour shift, but it's in the morning so my afternoon and evening are wide open!
However, I did loose my labret, the bar that goes in my lip, at work. I left my purse and home, so I had to take it out and I decided it would be safe in my pocket. Unfortunately it was not. Half way through my shift I put my hand in my pocket to check on it, and it was gone. The second I was off work my mom and I were rushing down to West Bend to see if any shops that would sell facial jewelry were open.
When I got home I got a text from Dexter telling me that he was home earlier than he'd expected and wanted to hang out with me. I obliged and we went out for coffee. He told me all about New Orleans and North Carolina. It sounds like he had a fantastic time and I'm rather sad I didn't get to go along.
-Ashley Reyn
Haven't heard from my Taurus and I miss him.
AMV Marathon (BEDA 2)
Look at me, two days into my project and I'm already trying to get out of it. I found myself laying in bed after an exciting evening of watching “America's Funniest Home Videos” on YouTube with Lauren, Chris, and Jeremy thinking that I really needed to get up and write an entry, but sleep was just calling my name. No, I didn't actually sleep, but I did wrestle with myself for a good hour/hour and a half trying to decide if I wanted to get out from my covers and venture into the kitchen to type out a quick entry. I'll save you the gory details since you already know how it ends.
The majority of my day sucked in the “I have nothing to do so I'll sit here and watch the L Word all day and eat some spaghetti” kind of way. When 4:30 finally rolled around I nearly screamed in a fit of joy, and I quickly scrambled to my cell to give Jeremy a quick call to make sure we were still getting together. When he finally got here we drove on over to Lauren's and just caught up. They had a funny story of communal car adventures. At some point we decided we were starving so we walked on up to Pop's Custard to get dinner and we laughed and joked. We split a banana split and the gutter jokes just kept rolling off our tongues.
Jeremy told me of his woes and I tried to assure him that he has plenty of time left, and worrying will only make his struggles worse. I doubt he believed me, I am three years younger. I wish I could make his life simpler, but the only way to do that would be to love him, and that's just not something I'm interested in. He's a good friend, but we did the dating thing and we just aren't compatible. I think he agrees. I hope he agrees.
I did some Zodiac research. Simply because I'm a dork in that sense, and I found that I am a Capricorn in just about EVERY way. It's a little obnoxious how well I fit the description. It told me that my two perfect matches are Virgo and Taurus. I can't wait to see where my life goes with my Taurus. /mushylovestuff
-Ashley Reyn
BEDA 1 (Recap)
I feel like I start projects online, and before they even hit their infancy, they take their downward spiral. Though, I suppose this downward spiral could be chalked up to the fantastically busy summer I've been having. That could be construed as a positive, right? Nonetheless, here I am, with the knowledge that I am terrible with daily happenings and habits. This is my one last time attempting to blog everyday. (For the month of August.) Now, before you tell me that August has started, I know! It's had a strong start at that! But I like the sound of BEDA and I've always wanted to attempt such a thing.
Today won't be the fascinating day that it should be so as I sit here, in the air conditioning of the library, I will give you a recap of my summer. I would say just August, but truly too much has happened to pretend you just know.
June:
I welcomed in this year's June while in Utah. I was chatting up family, searching for apartments, basking in the dry heat of the desert, and enjoying the luxury of having a car to drive. All while terribly excited to be finished with my first semester of college. During this week I came out to my uncle, it wasn't taken lightly, but he was respectful and assured me that he still loves me. Success? I should say so.
A week after we got home I had my drivers test. That whole week I spent my time getting behind the wheel and practicing myself to tears, because there was no way I'd walk away from the DMV without a license in hand for the second time. All of my practicing was well worth it too, after 20 minutes of the test I was back in the lobby of the DMV listening to all the things I'd done wrong when she looked at me, smiled and said “Congratulations, you are a fresh new driver!” I passed, and I totally borrowed that car more times that I
was technically allowed.
The end of June was spent moving my stuff from my dad's place to my mom's with the help of Eric, Vicky, and James. It was a whole lot of work, but a whole lot of fun. After the move day the four of us took a trip to a local park and while Eric and James played card games, Vicky and I took pictures. My best friend is my best model and I love it.
July:
I sprang into July with high hopes for my relationship and I watched them tumble like a sack of potatoes not even two days into the month. The break up was ridiculous and the reason even more so. I am glad to know the reason behind his behavior, but it makes me regret giving him the time of day. I vowed I would not put up with such treatment ever again, and I won't. It was unacceptable.
I got a job at the beginnin
g of July and I spent most of my time working and hanging out with friends. Mostly just Lauren and Chris, we've gotten really close this summer. There was one really hot summer day when we went into C-burg to go swimming and the three of us had the time of our lives.
My uncle flew me out to Utah at the end of July for my cousin's wedding and it was honestly fantastic. I've never had such a great time with my family, and I know that they will always be number one in my heart.
So here I am in August. I've been working a lot, which is good. It means I'm earning money, and money is always a help to have. I've been struggling with my attempt at making MATC work out. I have optimism, I just hope it's not foolishly placed, that things will work themselves out. I've decided though, that even if I'm not at MATC in the fall, January will be a good alternative.
-Ashley Reyn
Inturrupted
Wednesday marked my last day of my first semester in college. It was definitely a success. I had my Psychology exam at 1 in the afternoon. It took me only 20 minutes to do and I aced that thing. I'm so proud of myself. I've done amazingly this semester, and I'm not just being cocky.
I started the day at Gina's because I'd spent the night before at her house with a bonfire with a couple of her guy friends from a town about a half hour away. It was pretty decent but it wasn't my favorite to be honest. The guys were nice and they were fun to hang out with and listen to. But at the end of the night they started to get racist and whatnot. I can take a joke about quite a lot. I just never found racism funny.
After my exam I headed out to Lauren and Chris' house. Lauren wasn't quite ready for me. She accidentally walked down the stairs, just out of the shower, half naked. It was pretty funny. We walked on over to the Family Store and ended up buying a couple Pokemon VHS tapes.
When Chris got home from work we headed on out to C-Burg. We went to their friend Jackie's place where we played some Dungeons and Dragons. It was my first time actually being able to play. A few summers ago I went out with my friend David and we'd put together a character for me. It took so long that by the time we were done, I needed to get back home. We just never really got to hang out again after that. He was at the D&D session though and it was great to see him again.
I had Chris and Lauren drop me off at Eric's house once we were all done at Jackie's and I spent the night there. We stayed up all night as usual and we just enjoyed each others company. Thursday we watched Oliver and Company and Thumbelina. I was so amazed to find out he knew Thumbelina so I decided that instead of watching Robin Hood, we'd watch that.
It was just wonderful to see him again after a week and a half. He went to ACen last weekend and we didn't get to talk while he was there. Then I was just super focused on exams. I was just glad to be there. Especially since I'm leaving for Utah early Monday morning.
This morning my mom and I left to come up and visit her friend from high school, Joy. It's been fun so far. We got to her place a half hour sooner than we'd expected so I got to take some sweet photos of the rolling hills behind their house. We went out to see Letters to Juliet, which I absolutely loved. I look forward to owning it. Romance movies are definitely my vice and I'm unashamed.
-Ashley Reyn
Took this today.
As I was taking
pictures of the
rolling hills I got
some dadelion
seeds on me, so I
put one on my
jeans. I think
it turned out
amazingly.
Summertime
I'm looking to make this summer the greatest I've had. Almost all of the summers I've enjoyed since I was fifteen have been spent in my living room, on the computer, talking to people from other states. Do not get me wrong – I love my friends from around the world. I just would love to have a summer spent outside with people in real life – in real time. I've been scrounging the internet to find small festivals Katie and I can go to. I'm sure one day we'll go to Summerfest, you can't live in Wisconsin and NOT go to Summerfest.
May:
May 19 – Last day of Exams
May 21 – Leave for Joy's
May 26 – Leave For Idaho
May 28 – Tour at BYU-I / Leave for Utah
June:
June 3 – Leave for Home
June 8 – Drivers Test
June 11 – Pride Fest with Katie (11-13)
June 17 – Vicky's 19 Birthday
June 18 – Vicky and James Visit
June 19 – Alec's 19 Birthday
June 26 – Strawberry Festival with Katie (26-27)
July:
July 4 – Fireworks with Eric and Katie
July 10 – Rachel's 19 Birthday
July 22 – Falls Fest with Lauren&Co. (22-24)
August:
August 10 – Leave for Rachel's (10-18)
The trip to Rachel's is completely tentative for now. We've got to wait until she checks on it with her mom, but once that's squared away, it's a done deal. I have the cash to do it, so I'll be buying my ticket the second I have the go ahead from her mom. There is talk of going to the beach in Daytona.
We're so excited to meet each other. It was three years ago that I added her to watch how much she was suffering since Mathew had broken up with her to be with me. She melted my heart with kindness almost immediately. We've been best friends ever since. She is such a strong woman, and I'm so happy to have her in my life.
This summer will be the greatest of my life. Even if (not to say I'll be happy) Florida doesn't happen this year. All of those events on my calendar are going to just add to what a wonderful place I'm in this year. I never thought I could be this happy this often. I really do have wonderful friends and family. The people who love me are some of the greatest people in the entire world.
Made of Paper
I want to start making YouTube videos again. I mean, a year ago I made videos on a semi daily basis for nearly a month and didn't run out of things to say. Not that I was interesting by any means. I just had something to say. These days however it's like I flip on the camera and all thoughts leave the building. I suppose what is saddest about this situation is that a year ago I was incredibly unhappy. I'd just gotten home from a failed trip overseas. My relationship was failing. The only good thing in my life was graduation which was iffy day to day.
Here I am, a year later, and I'm much happier. That failing relationship finally failed and I've met an incredible new boy. I'm graduated, no longer an iffy situation. Hell, I'm even in college. Yet I can't come up with anything even remotely interesting to say. Anything at all to say really. I want to make a video that introduces me, but I feel lost as to what there is to know about me. There isn't anything really.
_______________________________________________________________
The song, “What I'm Looking For” by Brendan Benson used to symbolize Alec and I. Not in the, “It hit the nail on the head for our relationship” sort of way. It was the song he had on his MySpace when I added him two years ago and it kind of changed my life. It was a subtle change, but it made things click inside me for sure.
In any case, we were talking about Brendan Benson earlier this evening. So, naturally I decided to check out the song for reference. It pulled at my heart a little bit, and before I could stop myself I'd said so. We got to talking about who we were then, and how the other has changed. I told him that I thought he was happier two years ago, that he had more optimism for the world. He said that I've learned how to be happier, and that overall I'm a better person now. I feel kind of bad, I told him that he's become less of a person, and he told me that I've become more of a person.
Looking into the past should be an easier task. Less littered with glamourized pictures of what it used to be like. There had to have been a reason I chose to leave Alec to be with Seth. There was a reason there that caused me to lose what feelings I had for Alec. Looking back on it though, I see a cute happy couple totally in love. That's what we were, after we got back together.
Time should be less of a pollutant.
-Ashley
April 20, 2010
We were a sinking ship from the second we laid eyes on each other. We started out as foolish teenagers, and transitioned into love-sick adults. Neither of us had the ability or willpower to move beyond the physical side of our relationship. He was a lonely teenage boy that latched onto the first girl to pay him attention, and I was a girl with some low self-esteem. We were a match made in heaven. If your heaven liked to watch people fall apart and to the floor.
Our fights were never short nor simple and they were surely never solved. I needed to talk things out, and he would have no such thing. Problems were to be ignored and shoved to the back of the proverbial closet. In my experience discussion and communication were the cornerstones of lasting healthy relationships.
Two years after our first day as a couple and we've been seriously broken up for a little over a month. We don't talk a whole lot, and it hurts. Most days I regret the amount of time I put into the relationship. Though I look at my life and wonder what else I could have possibly done with that time that would have been more productive. I don't necessarily regret having met him, or agreeing to be his girlfriend. Just the extent of time that I spent being his "girlfriend".
-Ashley.
escape
I hop into the shower, and welcome the scalding hot water as it pours over me. I try not to analyze the words you've just said to me. To me it sounds as though you've just said I was a consolation prize for the loser you were two years ago. I'm no rare prize that you cherish and wish to keep safe. I lather shampoo into my already clean hair and wonder why we've tried so hard this long. Surely you don't actually want to be settling. I thought you were convinced you weren't.
I come back to the computer waiting on my bed. I type what I'm feeling. I tell you exactly how what you said sounded to me, and you simply say that it wasn't your intention to make me feel this way. I give you the option to rephrase your statement and you simple retract your statement. I wish it was that simple, I wish I could just erase memories.
I quickly close my computer and walk out into the brisk evening. The clear sky and warm glow of the first floor window welcome my unease as I anticipate my escape's arrival. I notice the temperature, significantly warmer than it was nine hours prior, when the sun was slowly waking and warming its dependents. I pass over thoughts of our conversation just moments before, concluding that if I were to successfully escape, I must in turn forget your words.
I stand in amazement as I realize how long it's been since I truly realized how big the sky really was. Each jewel of a star twinkled in it's approval of my new found appreciation. Wondering silently how many stars there actually are in the thick curtain of night.
The small phone in my left pocket begins to sing it's familiar tune, signaling to me it's time to meet my escape. We drive to the small diner a mile or so down the road. We mumble a few pleasantries ultimately knowing nothing could be said to end the awkwardness.
We joke politely about soup. Should you buy a cup or bowl, perhaps an entire quart-to-go will meet your fancy. Our waitress is an old friend, for all of us. I note that it's her birthday and respond accordingly. She brings me my soda and takes our order. She comes out with your soup and we dip crackers into the juice of your “chicken-flavored noodle” soup. Slowly picking up the cup of soup before you, I joke that you get 15 sips and we start counting.
After finishing our food we climb into your car. As it groans to life you ask where we're headed and I say, “no where, just drive”. So you drive. Taking a left turn, then a right. Soon we're driving through residential streets, you recollect the time you nearly crashed at an intersection we pass through. Before I know it we're beyond the city limits, only the screaming of your music to drown the silence that has swallowed us whole.
The music silences and we drive in silence. I remember late night drives with past friends. I appreciate the aversion you feel to the city lights, choosing to keep on the dark country roads for most of our late night adventure. Silence in motion is when I feel most at peace. I've completely forgotten your hurtful words, I'm thinking about what I'll do when I get home.
I realize you feel about me, what I do about you. We're the escape of one another. You don't want this night to end just as much as I don't. The silence isn't awkward anymore, it just is. This realization is magical. You make turn after turn each turn taking us farther away from home.
just standing still
One Wish:
I wish that I could express myself more eloquently.
I wish that I knew happiness.
I wish that I knew you.
I wish that my defenses weren't always blazing.
I wish I could, in good conscience, let go for a night.
I wish I could identify a good thing when it was thrust into my life.
I wish I believed in something.
I wish I could hold onto the good in my life.
I wish a family was in my future.
I wish I could live up to my word.
I wish motivation wasn't such a fleeting thing in my life.
I wish innocence wasn't something to be lost over time.
I wish I wasn't so frozen in my own fear, every day of my life.
I wish the troubles of my parents didn't feel like my fault more times than not.
I wish sarcasm wasn't a smoking gun.
I wish the past didn't stay there.
I wish the future was transparent.
I wish the world wasn't so lost.
I wish I could make everything OK.
I wish honesty was cherished like currency.
i wish forgiveness was distributed equally.
I wish letting go was like breathing.
I wish distance really made the heart grow fonder.
I wish the paths to the future were worn rather than unmade.
I wish crying really did make you feel better.
I wish I could smile when I'm sad.
Suddenly wish turns into wishes...
what i've got.
Sometimes the idea that my life is the only life I'll ever get the chance to live is a little daunting and a little scary. It's a little frustrating and disappointing. I'll never know what it's like for my boyfriend, as in first hand knowledge. I'll never understand what it's like to be in his shoes. He can give me glimpses, and even if we got married one day, I still wouldn't have the whole picture. I like to think I'd have a pretty clear picture, but never fully. Maybe I wouldn't want to know. When I'm home alone, at night, my thoughts wander to wondering what other people in my network of friends is doing at that moment. I sometimes wish that I could switch places with them for just a few moments to see where they are, physically and emotionally.
Daring
Dad and I have decided it's time to get fit. We have 're' joined the YMCA and have plans to go every other day together. We both think that having a partner to do all this with will improve our likelihood of actually doing anything exercise related. Part of the membership process at the YMCA is having a circuit center orientation. While I was finishing up class, my dad was having his orientation. He seems to feel very positively about the whole thing, which in turn helps me to feel optimistic, rather than my usual skeptic/pessimistic feelings about anything improvement-wise.
Weekends I've been spending over at my moms the past several weeks, and Saturday afternoons have been spent with a friend, Rob. He is this truly awesome guy. We get along really well, and apparently being able to hold a conversation with me is amazing to him, because he usually just listens to people talk, rather than actually participating in conversation. I'm glad I bring out this good in him, it's a nice change. To feel like I better someone's life by being in it, rather than imposing and destroying. I've started having feelings for him. I don't think much will come of it, but even if we stay just friends, he really is an awesome guy.
However, he does have his share of flaws. He is into the drug culture, which always makes me uneasy. Since Alan, I've been a lot more open to the possibility of having friends, even lovers, that were a part of that scene. But I'm just not sure I want that sort of life for me. He also has a daughter, Kaysen. I've seen a few pictures, and she is absolutely beautiful. If I dated him though, despite her cuteness, I'd be a 19 year old with slight parental responsibilities. I don't know if that's something I want right now. Despite all these flaws though, I have the strongest urge to slam him against a wall and kiss him, we'll see.
On the topic of crushes, I also have a girl crush blossoming. Her name is Shonda, she is in my Sociology class. We didn't really meet until we crashed the philosophy club at the university. Then I did what my socially awkward self told me to do, added her on facebook to start our first real conversation. She is a really cool girl, and when I talk to her, she definitely feels like girlfriend material, but when I look at her, she doesn't look the part. Not that she isn't beautiful, or extremely attractive, she just looks, young. I'm open to whatever the world would like to throw at me. I know a lot of people in my life are feeling the girlfriend option, only because I haven't actually dated a girl, but have identified as bi/pansexual since I was 15.
I've been working with a delightful lady from Missouri to get Katie some flowers for Valentine's day. She's been having a rough time the past several months, and I figure if anyone deserves some special thought for Valentine's Day, it's Katie. She knows something is coming for her, eventually. But she doesn't have a clue of what. She thinks it's chocolate, which worries me. I hope she enjoys flowers over chocolate. It would be really unfortunate otherwise. I joked with her when she told me about telling all her floor mates that I was sending her something that the pressure was really on now. I had to live up to, not only hers, but all her floor mates' expectations as well. I think it will all work out though. The lady, Wendy, truly is just wonderful. (Anyone who may read this living in Missouri, check out Magnolia Market for any flower/chocolate dipped fruit needs you may have.)
School is going really well, still loving it way more than I ever loved high school. Some would ask if that's really hard, but none the less. It keeps me decently busy, it should actually be keeping me more busy than I'm letting it. I have more homework than I actually do. Which is a really bad thing. I think one of these days it's time to set up a daily routine print out. Micromanage my day so I make sure I get everything done. I have my first test in Psychology on Monday, a media portfolio entry rough draft is due on Friday, and my first Sociology assignment is due on Sunday.
-Ashley
life improvement
Namibia is a country in south western Africa, just north of the country of South Africa. In this program I will be working in a school and a clinic over the winterim session next year, from January 2 - January 22, 2011. Because I will be working at a school I will earn 3 credits of education, while being in an amazing country.
Travel is extremely important to me. Since I was young I've believed that in order to fully love and understand where you come from, you must see first hand what else in the world there is. I've been blessed with family that lives all over the country, so that I've always had the opportunity to travel. This past spring I also took a trip over seas to France to study for two weeks.
This opportunity excites me more than anything else going on in my life. However, I do have a few other exciting things going on. I am beginning a membership at the YMCA for a low price due to my current employment status.
Which brings me to my second happening, I may be getting a job at Piggly Wiggly. My friend Aaron works there, and last night he let me know that they were hiring cashiers and he was willing to drive me in to pick up an application, so I went in today during my afternoon break and grabbed an application. While I was there a woman, who I assume is the hiring manager, asked me a few questions about myself; If I was going to school, where, what year and so on. Then asked what position I would be applying for and said she looked forward to seeing me soon. I hope this is good news.
The excitement overwhelms me,
-Ashley
a letter to self years from now,
I ended up taking a weird combination of classes this semester. I've got class Monday, Wednesday, and Fridays. Starting the day off is Sociology. Second semester of senior year I took sociology, so I don't see this class as being too much of a challenge, but definitely a class that peeks my interest. After Sociology is Philosophy. Earlier this week I went to a philosophy club called Socrates Cafe. It was alright, not quite sure if I'll be going back next week. However, due to reaching outside of my comfort zone and going to said club, I made a new friend. After a two hour break between my morning and afternoon classes I have English 102, or Composition II. I'm personally very proud of this class. I tested into an advanced English class, however, I falter when writing. After English on Monday and Wednesdays I have Psychology. I share that class with an old high school friend. We spend most of the class giggling at our teacher, she is a socially awkward lady, but it's definitely endearing.
I'm still struggling along with Alec, it's been over a year and a half of trying. I hope that either things have worked out well, or you've given up. If by your time he still hasn't gotten it together, I really feel that someone else is better worth your time. You can sit there and scoff at me, ask yourself "What would I know?", just remember, I'm you. If things just aren't working it's time to let go. It's okay, there are better people out there.
Allison is out in San Fransisco being fabulous and chic. I miss her, a lot. Sometimes I hate that she left. I never wish that she hadn't though. It was her turn and time to get out, I think it will be mine soon enough. I'm so happy that she is doing something she loves. Every time I talk to her, which isn't often at the moment, she always talks about how much she loves fashion college. I hope that passion never dies. She is definitely awesome, reconnect with her if you have to.
Vicky is living in Ohio with her grandfather. Well, actually she might be in the process of moving in with her boyfriend of four months. Now, I don't agree with her choice, but I'll support whatever makes her happiest. I don't want a sad Vicky on my hands. She is planning on going to college in the fall for Psychology. Our pathways of conversation are slowly fading, I don't have a solution to the problem, but if communication has completely faded away, try saying hey today. I'm sure she'd love to hear from you.
Katie is down in Missouri studying Mass Media. She is really my best friend these days. We got really close over winter break and we have lots of plans to make our summer the best ever. She understands me more than most other people, on so many things we're basically twins. She's gotten me into horoscopes. Well, not so much horoscopes, as astrological signs and compatibility. Virgo and Capricorns do pretty well together in relationships, and I'd assume same is true for friendships. She is a truly wonderful and intelligent person. Same with her, make sure if you're not in contact that you mend the bridges today.
It's late, I assume that since You are Me, you understand my freaky sleeping habits. If not, a snapshot into my slumber world, it's 2 in the morning on a day before class, and I need to wake up at 7:30 in the morning. Although I could continue listing people and events in my life I feel it's time for me to catch some sleep.
I wish for you the best,
-Ashley
Ashley Reyn
Alec Matthew
Victoria Michelle
Amanda Katherine
Katherine Elizabeth
Lauren Ashley
